If you had told me 6 months ago that I would be back in Arizona spending Valentine’s going to a therapy session I would have told you that you were crazy.
If 4 months ago you had told me at a Scotland oils class that that class would be my last European class for a while, and I was going to have to cancel all of my planned European classes I would have thought you were off your rocker.
If you had told me that October 27th was the last date I had the opportunity to plan a date for Andrew and I, I would have NEVER believed you.
When I left Ireland on November 7th I thought it would be a temporary good-bye from my best friend. I thought it would be like a long work trip that would end with my sweet husband greeting me at the airport with flowers as he always did. I did not think that our separation would end in Andrew telling me for a 3rd time he didn’t want to be married to me anymore.
During our separation my mind was constantly racing with lots of “what ifs” and “this is what I’ll do when I go back”. I will be the 1st to admit that I am far (very far!) from perfect. If I could go back there are 100 little things I wish I did do, and 100 more things I wish I didn’t do. And my heart breaks that Andrew hasn’t given me the opportunity to be a better wife and spouse for him. I know without a doubt if he had the desire to give me that opportunity I would have taken it in a heartbeat and hopped back on a plane to be with him. But sadly that is not what he wants. But I know he is a great guy, and I know he will be able to accomplish many wonderful things in his life without me.
I don’t know why with this divorce I have chosen to be so vulnerable and open about it. I know many who go through big life changes choose to keep their stories entirely personal. And I respect that decision entirely. But for me I have found that talking about it and sharing my story with others has helped me cope and heal from this sudden and unexpected life change. I have also found that since opening up to others I have been able to empathize when so many other women who have gone through something similar. Even just this past Saturday at an oils class I had 2 women who told me of their similar stories. And having gone through this myself I have been able to connect with them on a deeper level than I would have been able to before.
I know there are a few out there that have criticized me for not keeping my divorce private and quiet. But that is OK and I’ve accepted that. I have had enough finger pointing the past 4 months and have chosen to not give any more energy to people who have a desire to criticize me. I have had many people tell me that they appreciate me being open and vulnerable about this experience and all that I have learned. This unexpected divorce has taught me so many (so many!) things about life – both as an individual and as a spouse. Here are just a few of the things I have learned
1) Having a ring on your finger does not make you happy. In my 20’s I longed for the opportunity to share my life with someone. I prayed so often that I would be guided towards a young man who wanted to spend forever with me. And I often thought that having a husband meant I would be happy all the time. But I have learned how untrue that is. My relationship status does not change my level of happiness. A spouse cannot make you happier than you are as an individual.
2) Don’t be afraid to get help! It’s so easy in our world of social media and photoshop to think that everyone else’s life (or marriage) is perfect. And we compare ourselves to others and start to feel depressed. I started seeing a therapist a few weeks ago and I have found that having someone to talk to has helped so much. I wish I started seeing someone years ago, and I wish Andrew and I had gone to someone. Seeing a therapist does not mean there is something wrong with you. Seeing a therapist means that you want to be in a better place tomorrow than where you are today. And don’t forget your oils! An extra dose of frankincense oil is my go to when those feelings of sadness and brokenness come up.
3) Be Happy. I have learned that I have to be happy every day, and that being happy is a choice. Every Single Day. No one or no material item is going to make me happy. It’s up to me make sure I always wake up on the right side of the bed and excited for my day. I have to be happy right now, right where I’m at. Whether I’m single, married or divorced. I have to be happy with who I am and the choices I am making in my life.
4) Have Faith. During the past few months there have been moments where I have been on my knees pleading to my Father in Heaven to help me in my righteous desire to keep a marriage that I believe was eternal. That’s a great desire, right? He didn’t give me that blessing and I don’t quite understand why. There have been small moments where I have slipped into darkness and started to question my belief. Back in Ireland I taught a class at Church about the Old Testament. We were studying the stories of Jonah and Job and their trials and how they continued to have faith during their trials. I remember jokingly telling my class “We keep studying these stories in our class, so God must have some big trial waiting for me.” I think He had me studying these Old Testament stories of faith as he knew I would be put through my own trial soon after. I have to have faith that God is in control. Nothing happens by coincidence in his master plan.
5) New Perspective. As I have the opportunity to enter the dating scene again I am a bit excited/nervous to see what the future holds. And I hope that my Heavenly Father will give me the opportunity to have a 2nd chance at an eternal marriage. But as I enter the dating scene again I know this time I am not going to be thinking that I am looking for a spouse who will “complete me” or “he makes me happy”. I’m not looking to date to see who can bring joy into my life. But instead I am going in with the mindset that I know I already have a wonderful, blessed life. I am happy and confident with who I am and what I can bring into someone else’s life. I have so much joy and happiness in me that I’d love the opportunity to share that with someone that wants me as part of their life. But I am happy, I am whole as the single Allison Huish. And we’ll see what the future brings!
A few weeks ago one of my sister-in-laws gave me this beautiful sign. I have kept it in my room and look at it often. It been a constant reminder that someday things will make sense. Not today, but someday.
On New Year’s Eve Andrew told me for a 3rd and final time that he didn’t want to be married to me anymore. (definitely not the NYE I was hoping for). I made my family aware of his decision and I’m grateful that one of my brothers came and spent the rest of the night with me.
As I awoke on January 1st I laid in bed most of the morning in a bit of shock at the fact that I would be starting off the new year with a divorce. Not quite the New Year’s resolution I was hoping I would have. That day was rough, and the entire month of January was hard as I have been processing so many emotions. I ended the month by driving myself to the courthouse to serve myself divorce papers. A divorce is not something I ever wanted, so submitting the forms myself was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.
As I turned my calendar to February the realization of the divorce set in. I took many long walks and began to realize that I couldn’t change the past. As much as I wanted the opportunity to have a re-do on my marriage, that desire was only 1 sided. So the only thing in my control was my future. And it was up to me to decide how I was going to let this trial, this unexpected curve ball, affect who I was and the future I was going to have.
20 years ago this August I was diagnosed with a brain tumor. An incredibly hard trial that was the most devastating thing I could have imagined. (The full story is found HERE). I remember the day I was diagnosed like it was yesterday. I remember the look on my mom’s face as she told me the news. I remember sitting alone in our red Blazer telling myself that I didn’t know what a tumor meant, but I knew my life would never be the same that point forward. I pray and take oils daily that my tumor never comes back. But as hard as that trial was, I know that trial shaped me into who I am today. My brain tumor taught me at a young age to value my health. It taught me how to empathize with others who are going through their own health challenges. My brain tumor is what led me to essential oils and it gave me a why to start the oils business. And this oils business has brought into my life so many incredible women who are not only team mates but have become friends with relationships I cherish.
As I approach this new trial I know that my life will never be the same again. My time with Andrew, and the divorce will shape me into a new person. But I know it is up to me to choose what impact I am going to let this divorce have. Am I going to let it turn me into a negative person who questions my faith in God because of it? Or will I take this opportunity to re-brand my life, re-learn to love my life, and recommit to having stronger faith in His eternal plan.
I have decided to choose the later.
Right now in life I have the opportunity to re-brand who Allison Huish is. It’s a bit scary, but also exciting at the same time. As I have the opportunity to re-brand my personal life I have also decided that it is an opportunity to re-brand my business. For 20 years my brain tumor story has been the forefront of my oils business. My tumor is the reason that a friend shared oils with my mom. And to her I will forever be grateful. And my miracle brain tumor success story has given me the why to share my love of natural solutions with others these past 7 years. My tumor will always be a part of me. The scar I have will be a daily reminder of that trial I went through and how that trial shaped me into who I am today.
But as I close the chapter on my marriage to Andrew I have decided to close the chapter on making my brain tumor my #1 why for sharing doTERRA with others. It’s time to let go of the past and things I cannot change. And to re-brand my personal life and my business around the future that I want to have.
My New Year’s resolution for 2019 is to become Healthy and Whole again. In just the past few weeks I have started to fall in love again with who I am. I am becoming healthier and happier. I love the Arizona sun and am pretty confident I’ll be an Arizona girl for a while. I am excited to pour so much love and energy into my current doTERRA team. And I am excited to share this fire that is in me with new people who want to experience the amazing joy residual income can bring.
(I’ve had an entirely new shift on the power of residual income. More info on that topic to come. I’m excited to share this mindset change with you!)
2019 is going to be a year to re-brand my personal life and my business. My personal life has already changed so much in such a short time. And my business will be doing the same in the near future. New colors, new logos and a happier vibe is in the works. And of course loads of new, updated pictures will be coming soon too! With this new shift my online and social media presence will have less about my brain tumor and a greater amount of content that brings light and joy into others’ lives. I am excited for this opportunity and the changes that will come in 2019. I’m grateful to have so many incredible people already in my life, and I know more relationships that I cherish will be coming soon. Thank you for being a part of this journey with me!
Here’s to an AMAZING 2019! Both for me and for you too!